It is IUI time!!

Just FYI I am including all the specific dates for a reason. Not that you care but eventually I would like to get this blog printed into a book. One day I would love for our miracle baby to read how hard his/her parents worked to get them. :)

So anyway like I said in the previous post... Ryan and I decided to try IUI (Intrauterine insemination)with some oral fertility meds first. Yes, it only gave us a 10-12% chance of conceiving and a 20% chance of twins but honestly we thought this is all it would take. We just had to get the timing right and take some fertility meds and boom we would be pregnant. I go in great detail (it is the nurse in me) so I apologize ahead of time!

IUI- Round One... Ding Ding!

We started the whole process in March 2014. On Day 3 (March 3, 2014) of my cycle, I got to start off with another lovely trans-vaginal ultrasound (not pleasant at all!). They saw some cysts and drew blood to see if they would be a problem or not. Blood work came back fine so we were ready to start with the first medication Letrozole (the sister medication to Clomid). I take this medication Day 3-Day 7 twice a day. This is to boost fertility. I felt fine taking the medication. No problems at all. It was way better than taking the Clomid which made me sick.

Next order of business was Day 12 (March 11th, 2014). On this day we would go in for another trans-vaginal ultrasound to evaluate the lining of my uterus and the follicles in the ovaries. They all have to be a certain measurement to go on with the process. Mine were all fine so they said that it was time to "trigger". To "trigger" means that if all my measurements were on point then I would give myself an injectable medication that would force my body to ovulate in the next 36 hours. Boy that is an expensive shot. I even had to go to a special pharmacy to get it! I know I am a nurse but I HATE shots with a passion. I can give them to other people but there is no way I would be able to give it to myself. We had to give it between the hours of 8pm-10pm on Day 12. Ryan started gagging when he saw the needle... so yeah he was no help. Thank God for my dad! He came to the rescue and gave me the shot. I might be a big baby but I am not going to lie.... it hurt. It was the smallest needle ever but it had a big punch.

After that was all done we were set up to have the procedure done 36 hours later. So that next Thursday morning March 13th, 2014, Ryan and I nervously walked into the doctor's office at 7:30am. Ryan would then give his sample. It would take an hour and a half to wash and clean his sample. They picked out all the slow or weak ones and left all the strong powerful ones. A couple hours later we came back to the office and it was time for my part. They basically injected all of the sample into my uterus. It was very uncomfortable. Any time something touches the inside of your uterus your body's natural reaction is to cramp. So that is what it did. It was like having horrible cramps. It is very painful. After the nurse injected the goods into me, I had to lay there and wait for 10-15 minutes for gravity to do its job. When that time was up, I was good to go about my day. I felt a little uncomfortable the rest of the day but otherwise normal. Three days after my procedure I would start a vaginal progesterone suppository twice a day. This would help the fertilized egg stick if there was one and would keep me from getting my period. It was not fun either. It made me feel like I peed my pants all day and night. Trust me I didn't pee. Horrible feeling. Then 12 days after I started the progesterone I would take a pregnancy test.

I made sure I did my research before getting this procedure done. I looked up things to do for better success. I looked up specific prayers to say to boost our chances. I was certain that we would only need to do this once. I ate a pineapple including the core for the next 5 days after the IUI because I read that it helps (it was horrible!). I went to church many times to be sure I got God on my side even though I knew he was already there. I said prayers multiple times a day begging God to let me get pregnant. I looked up infertility yoga to help with circulation in that area. I tried everything. Maybe not everything but it was a lot!

We had a little hiccup when our dog Tank ate my progesterone pills. Yes, he took the whole prescription bottle, chewed that up, got the lid off and ate every single one of them!! Just like they were candy. That jerk!! After a call to the vet and pharmacy everyone was fine and we moved on. I am sure we were the joke of both offices!!

Test Day came on March 28th. My birthday was the 26th so I knew I did not want to test that day. No bad news on my birthday, but I did keep thinking about how that would be a wonderful birthday present. I was not feeling different. I was the normal tired but other than that I did not feel any different. Ryan and I could not wait any longer so we tested the morning of March 27th. We were scared, excited, nervous, etc. I peed on the stick waited the 5 minutes and there we have it... Negative.

What? Really? We spent all this money... a lot of money and all we are left with is this stupid negative test. We were certain it was because we tested a day early... nope. We were in complete shock. We both went to work to try and have a normal day (bad idea). That evening is when it really sunk it. We both broke down. We went ahead and tested the next day too just to make sure... nope. Negative too. We were crushed.

It is hard not to feel a lot of guilt. I find myself apologizing to Ryan all the time. His numbers are fine and healthy but it is me with the problem. I cried a lot. I still cry thinking about it. We decided that we would try another round of IUI the next cycle.

IUI Round 2... Ding Ding!

This one is still a little raw so bear with me.

We started our second round of IUI on April 1st, 2014. This was Day 3 and I had the usual trans-vaginal ultrasound and everything came back fine. I had one large cyst in my left ovary but they said it looked old and like it was going to rupture at any time. We were given the green light to start the Letrozole fertility medication. Again we took it Day 3-7. No problems.

On April 9th, 2014 we had our Day 12 ultrasound. I started to get some "cramping" pain the day before that I was really nervous about. I also had some bleeding. I mentioned it to my nurse while I was getting my ultrasound and she said not to worry, it was normal. The ultrasound showed that still had that stubborn cyst in the left ovary but they were still not worried about it. They said that my follicles were measuring very big and active (which is a good thing) and that I was approved to "trigger" that evening between 8pm-10pm. My dad once again gave me my injection and it was not any better. Still sucked.

The next day I was still having some pain and bleeding. I decided to contact my doctor's nurse directly so that they were aware. I did not want it to effect the IUI procedure. I explained what had been going on and again she told me it was completely normal. My ultrasound was fine and my follicles looked very active. This and all my hormones could cause the pain and bleeding.

The next day April 11th, 2014 we went in for the procedure. This time I was trying to be more relaxed. I prayed but did not beg. I did not even do the pineapple (it was so gross). I made sure I was stress free and I went in there with a positive attitude. This time I took the whole day off work. I planned to just relax and let my body do its job. We walked into the office and got this process started. Ryan did his thing and we left. A couple hours later we came back for my part. This time it was a little more complicated. They had a hard time getting the catheter into my cervix. They said it was irritated which could be because of the hormones. They also found a polyup on my cervix which again could be hormone related. Stupid hormones! They figured this was the cause to my pain and bleeding. It felt like they were down there forever. It was so painful. Twenty times more painful than the first time. I about flew off the table multiple times. Of course I started crying. After the miserable poking and prodding was over, I got to lay there for the 10-15 minutes. We left the office and I told Ryan that I would never go through that again. I was super crampy and grumpy the rest of the day.

Three days later I started the progesterone vaginal suppositories. I made sure I kept them out of the dog's reach. I felt different this round. I was super nauseous and very tired. I found myself crying at the littlest and strangest things. I would have body aches. I just felt like complete crap. It didn't help that I got sick with sinus stuff during this either.

April 25th, 2014 would be test day. This time Ryan and I both took the day off together. A couple days before test day, I always find myself thinking of what it would be like to tell our families the good news. How excited and happy we would be. The actual day came and we made sure we both slept in. No waking up to an alarm! I was feeling calm until it was time. I was so scared. I wanted it to be good news so bad. I went and peed on the stick and waited the 5 minutes. I was so scared that I made Ryan go read it. Negative.

What?!? Are you serious? Why is this happening to us? We would make such good parents. I was in complete shock at first then I just broke down. We both broke down. Then the guilt sank in. I apologized to Ryan multiple times for not being able to make him a baby. He told me it was not my fault but the guilt was there. It is still there. He told me that we have each other and that is all that mattered. We both laid in that bed crying for over an hour but it seemed like days. Then my amazing husband picked me up out of that bed and got me moving. He said, "We are not laying here all day. We are getting out of this house." I thank God everyday for that man. We ran errands all day and we kept busy. If we stopped to think about it we would just cry.

I still cry every time I even sit and think about it. I am crying while writing this. I cry when I am sitting in my car. I feel like I cry all the time. But it also feels good to cry. It is still pretty raw but that is where we are now.

We have decided that it is time to suck it up and move on to the next step. We are not sure what that next step is but we have an appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist to find out. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all the love and support you have given Ryan and I. Sharing our story has truly lifted a weight off our shoulders. We will do anything to get our miracle baby. :)