“Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts. Whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.” - Thích Nhất Hạnh
Honestly, this quote sums it up. Ryan and I met with our Reproductive Endocrinologist at the beginning of May. We have decided that the IUIs were just too painful for us. They were too painful emotionally and physically for the both of us. With the help of our amazing doctor we decided that it was time to take the next step and try IVF. Whew!
Boy, was that appointment intense!! They sat there and explained the whole IVF process. In a nut shell, with the help of medication they will grow multiple eggs in my ovaries rather than just the one. They will then "harvest" them and then fertilize them. The eggs will then grow in a petri dish for 3-5 days and then a couple eggs will be transferred back into me. Sounds easy huh? They drew out charts and pictures. They piled packets of papers and information in our arms. We literally walked out of there in shock. I am not exaggerating. They had me start birth control so that we could start "clearing the slate." They wanted all my hormones to start stabilizing until we started the process. They put every IVF patient on at least one month of birth control before the procedure. They sent us home with all this information and said "Now it is time for you to discuss and decide if you want to do this. If you do then you need to decide when you would like to start. We could start as early as June." Uhh ok. I am 100% sure that Ryan and I both looked like two deer caught in the headlights.
After a long discussion and a couple strong, alcoholic beverages, Ryan and I overall decided that we needed a break. That is it. We needed a breath of fresh air! We needed some time think. We needed time to get rid of the stress in our life. Overall, we needed some time to live our lives. Oh boy, did another huge weight get lifted off our shoulders!
The whole month of May and June (so far) have been absolutely amazing! Ryan graduated with his master's degree in education and he is off work for the summer!! I started a new job that I absolutely love! I am now working for a OB/GYN office that is 10min from home rather than 45min. I love what I do and the people I work with. Most importantly, I am not stressed at all! Seriously, not one bit!! I have felt so much better without all the stress that I had at KU!
Ryan and I are spending a lot of time together. We are reconnecting as a couple. I am not saying we were in a bad place before but we were both so emotionally exhausted. It is so nice not having to worry about what cycle day it was, or what medication it was time to take. We felt like we were constantly on a schedule all to be let down. Now, we are just having fun! We are just so HAPPY! :)
So what are the next steps....
Ryan and I will be starting IVF in July. The process is quite long and as my eggs are "growing", I will be restricted from doing a lot of things (exercise, drinking, jumping, running, etc). I will basically be driving Ryan nuts. :) I will be on a butt load of medications that will make me not feel well at all and will be taking them multiple times a day. I am a trooper. I will get through it. I will take my deep breaths and I will take one day, one doctor's appointment at a time. As my mom would say, "Time to put your big girl panties on!" I will do what ever it takes to bring us to closer to our miracle baby!!!
Please pray for us the next couple months. I will update as soon as I feel up to it. Thank you again for all your love and support!! It has certainly given me the strength to go through with this! We love you!
Love,
Spenser and Ryan
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